Christmas Eve...

Today's the 24th of December...A day before Christmas... the magical day..I recall to a year ago, remembering how busy I was, tidying up the house, buying stuffs, running around like a crazy bi***, and preparing for my family's Christmas party...I remember the moment sis and i decorated our Christmas stairs with the bushy Christmas strings, and how she was so excited for Christmas after so many years...

Last year I had the whole house cleaned up squuuuueaky clean...!! It was not raining last year (if I recall well), and the Christmas tree looked as beautiful as always...Glowing with read, gold and white, the tree looked ever so stunning and the lights completed it, making it look all better. The angel that stood at the tip of the tree reminded me of the magic of Christmas, and there was still goodness in the land...Christmas song aired the night, and we spent our moments welcoming Christmas at home as a family. Tipping on some wine and booze... Huhu.. becoming a bit tipsy... What could be better...

I remembered on the 23rd..I was at Jusco, Wangsa Maju doing all the last minute Christmas shopping for my loved ones..Time was running short and I had so many things to do..but shopping was always fun, and a girl can never have enough of it, especially when she has got enough cash in her wallet. Haha. ^^

This year however, things seemed to slow down a lot.. The Christmas tree still reigned the living room, but the aura has disappeared. The songs are still played on the radio but the spirit has diminished...The family still goes shopping (even more than last year) but it seemed that it lost the touch of excitement...The Christmas themes out at the shopping malls doesn't seem to magnify the magic that it made me feel through the years anymore...

Now I'm sitting all alone, wondering why this year, Christmas has to feel so different... Why do I feel such a gap from last year and this??? Was there something missing in my life?? Surely, it couldn't be the Christmas party because it was an utter regret having one last year...The utmost regret I had for last year was that I channeled all my energy and purpose on the people that never took a glimpse or a second look to appreciate all that I have done.. Not that I have done so much but, yeah...still..And the worst part was I abandoned the one I should care about the most..I abandoned the one who actually cared, who actually looked out for me, and who actually should matter the most, and not the other insignificant people who contributed to making Christmas a terrible one for me last year...Realised after the party that I didn't even have one photo with the one that should matter the most...Ouch..Even now I still feel the tinge of pain in my heart..

If only I could turn back time and change what I did, only Jesus knows, that I would have celebrated his birthday differently..

But it's all too late now, because all that has passed, and another Christmas is here...tomorrow..

There wouldn't be much plans for me tomorrow. Perhaps I'll just sit around and put on several Christmas movies to search back for the spirit that was lost... Since it seems that this year wouldn't turn out the way i had hoped it would be, might as well just stop hoping anymore..

But anyways guys, Merry Christmas to you all...Hope you guys will have a blast..and do spend it with your loved ones and appreciate the moment as it passes by yea??? Because you wouldn't want to be sitting in the same ship as me...wishing...

If only......